Saturday, December 7, 2013

Saying Goodbye



Tuesday morning my momma discovered that my dad had went to sleep, and had quietly passed away during the night. No pain, no struggle, just peace. He was sweetly sleeping in his bed, with his pillow bunched up, just like he likes it. If you were going to leave this earth in an ideal way, this would be it. He went to sleep all warm and cozy in his bed, and woke up next to Jesus.

My family and I have been in sort of a grief induced numb state. I had told myself I was SURE I had already gone through some the grieving process, before I had even lost him. I have since learned this is complete crap. Its just something you tell yourself.

I knew I was going to lose my dad.And I knew I would be losing him soon. There had been so many signs and changes.

But I have never felt anything like this. Raw, deep, to your core, can hardly stand up, sadness.

I kissed him today for the last time. The first guy I loved. The first guy I held hands with, danced with. The guy who ran beside me when I was learning to ride a bike. The guy who looked so handsome in a police uniform, and who cried when he gave me away on my wedding day.

The guy who fought so long and so hard. 

The guy who told me death was nothing to be afraid of, and accepted it more than I was ever comfortable with. 

I watched my husband and my 2 boys, along with 3 other amazing men, carry him out of the church.  I'm pretty sure had my best friend not been there holding my hand AND me UP,  I surely would have died too.  It is horrible to watch a casket be closed, and carried out, with your daddy inside of it. My mind can not even begin to imagine that I will never ever see him again. Or hear him laugh.

I'd like to share more about my dad, and his service, and I will soon, but for right now, just some pictures.

Dad 001
I see a lot of my Tristen in this picture.

Dad 004
My Dad with his beloved purple truck. Isn't he stylin??

 Dad
 Dad with my little brother, Eric

 Dad 005
I just found this picture in a box while looking for pictures for a poster board. I had never seen it before, but I love it. He looks so young, and handsome.

Dad 003
With one of his best friends, David. Dave died about 4 years ago. I hope they are sitting at a table, drinking ice tea and strong coffee, telling "stories".

Mike Tractor- 01
Working on the tractor, annoyed with my picture taking. He was still strong and tan in this picture. I think this was around 2002.

becky&mike-wedding
My wedding

mike-wedding-goofy
Again, my wedding, with my sisters flower girl head piece. No...he had not been drinking. ;)


DSCF0937
With the grand-babies he loved so much. I am so thankful he got to meet Jayden.


My dad's youngest brother, Andy, posted this song on his Facebook page Tuesday.

"For my big brother Mike, who went home today."



I have listened to it over and over and over again.

Will post again soon!



5 comments:

Gardener on Sherlock Street said...

(Hug)

Sara said...

One of my most favorite songs...matter of fact it's one I want played at my funeral. Love the pics of your dad...most of the later ones exactly how I remember him!! Love and hugs!!

Melanie said...

LOVE that song!! AND. .LOVED that man!! the process was for me. .much like you just described it!! There is NOTHING. .that, so far. .has ever come close to seeing that closed coffin. .and trying to explain to a 4 year old. .WHY papa is sleeping in there and will never be available again for hugs and laughs!!It hurts. .beyond what is imaginable in your moment. .but we survive. .we grow. .we get stronger. .we never forget. .we never stop loving. .but the hurt. .subsides until you wake up one day. .able to laugh at your memories. .remember the fun and orneriness WITHOUT tears. .and wonder how that ever went away. .as quickly as it came!! Love YOU. .and YOURS. .and will continue to pray strength and comfort and stability and a better relationship with the heavenly father. .who I never understood the meaning of how to lean on him. .until I was forced into the loss of my earthly father!! The best spiritual growth of my life. .came in my biggest earthly trial. .when I allowed Him to do His refining work in me! Be tough. .and be weak. .but just BE!!

Megan said...

Becky, you have all been on my mind since I heard the news. Your dad was a wonderful man and meant so many different things to so many people. Hugs to you.

Rhonda said...

Love to you all, Becky - thinking of you so much.

I think when Mom passed away, Dave Timmons was the officer who came out to the house, and then when Dad passed away, it was your dad who came out. I appreciate what these guys do in the line of duty.

BTW, your dad was just a year behind my brother in school. :)

Love and thoughts and prayers for you all! <3